happy mother's day.

Happy Mother's Day.

To the mom who got showered with breakfast in bed and gifts from all of her lovelies. Enjoy your spread, I know how much you deserve it. I hope you love everything you received.

To the mom who got hugs and kisses from her child with no father to take them to the store to pick something out.  I bet that hug was exactly what you needed to feel appreciated. You are doing everything right. Look in their eyes and see their love.

To the mom who cried all night because she isn't able to hear the words from her own child.  I am sorry and nothing I can say can take away that pain. You show us all grace when we don't know what we can do, but you are so loved. We are all here to support you.

To the mom who loves and takes care of other people's children because, right now, they cannot do it themselves. I see your broken heart when they leave, I see your posts about how much you love these children that are not your own. You are making such a difference in every life you pass.

To the mom whose child isn't born, but will come soon - even with no concrete date. I am sure it is exhausting to wait for something you want so badly, but I hope it will happen at the perfect time for you.

To the mom who wishes she could call her own mom, but hasn't been able to for years. I can't imagine how that must hurt and I am sorry. She helped you be the mother you are today and would be so proud of who you have become.

To the mom that is a cheerleader at all games and events. Thanks for caring about what your children are up to. Your child hears your voice and that goal was for you.

To the mom who works at all hours just to survive and make a life for their child they never had, missing so many things their child is involved in.  What a wonderful role model you are for your children - they are lucky to have you working so hard for them. They will teach their children the same.

To the mom who is at the hospital with their child today, crying in a chair because they had to hold their sweet one down for another medical procedure. Do not feel guilty - you show that child strength. They are not mad at you. You are doing everything right.

To the mom who is a nurse working to make sure other people are able to see their own loved ones. Thank you for everything you do. Your selflessness is appreciated, even when it seems like no one sees your heroic efforts.

To the mom who cries in the kitchen because she lost her temper again. Every minute is a chance to start the day over. If tonight you're in the same place, tomorrow is a new day. No one will remember the little things you are worried about, they remember the love and the laughter.

To the mom who never loses her temper and seems to have it all together. Well done with your organization and I admire everything you do. Thank you for showing me that some things are just not worth the fight. Your laid-back parenting helps others to remember to relax.

To the mom who has no time because she is working and volunteering every day. You caring about the people around you makes the school, the team, the office, and everyone around you better for it. It is not in vain. You are changing things.

To the mom who stays at home and catches up on her shows. Relax, girl. If you need this time, take it and don't feel guilty for how much more someone else is doing. Grab some wine and take a bath, while you're at it - you still have time before pick up.

To whatever mom you are. Whatever combination, whatever you can add...

I see you. I see you all at the store and at the school. I see you at dance and soccer. I see you acting interested in a story gone too long, I see you forgetting why you were in that aisle. I see you snapping because you said "please be quiet" a hundred too many times before realizing no one was listening. I see your hair, your makeup, your excitement when you are out on a date night.

I want to hug you when your kid is losing his mind, I want to high 5 you when you step over him to finish your shopping. Thank you for showing me what parts of parenting I want to add to my own life.

The coffee that you microwaved again, the dinner you burned, the dryer that you have now run for the fourth time...

Forgetting the milk at the store again, running errands during nap time and having immediate regret, opening up wine at 5pm just to get through cooking...

Whether you count the hours until school is back in session or wake up with a lesson plan for your own, every day...

When it feels as if no one notices your efforts or that you're failing at everything you do- remember that you are so loved, so appreciated, and are doing everything right.

Happy Mother's Day.
Luke 1:37. Nothing is impossible.

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happy mother's day.

The night before my kids' birthdays, I start to go through photos, find ones that I want to post or just smile at memories as I click through folders on the computer. I earmark ones I want to remember to print, I laugh about who looks like who and tears always well up in my eyes as I think of another year passing.

When reese was born, we lapped most of our friends on the amount of children we had back then. I always wanted more kids, but never knew that we'd be at 5 only a few years later.

But this birthday eve is also mother's day. Aidan woke me up with breakfast in bed (which included 3 no carb crepes that I made yesterday and put in the fridge and a monster energy drink). She knows how to keep me going ;)

We headed to church and then off to lunch with my parents. We then headed furniture window shopping and came home for naps. During naps, I did laundry. So that is neat. lol

Sawyer made me a beautiful painting that she *had* to give me last night. Aidan filled out this questionnaire at school.

Miller filled out a form, like that, at her school, too. She stated I like to play on the trampoline for fun and that my job is "getting reesey help". The last part fascinated me, really. I couldn't decide if it made my heart swell or break.

I did the math, recently, and realized that it's officially been over 1/2 of reese's life that she has been dealing with her tumor. She knows nothing else, I imagine. She doesn't remember life before 2.5 years old, I am sure. If she does, I am certain she can not discern between that and tumor time. It is all just how it is.

I don't want this to be reese's birthday post because I am just not ready to do that, yet. I can't believe she is going to be 5. I can't believe that she will be going to kindergarten next year.

Happy mother's day to all my sweet friends out there who go through the same trials as I do. Who are exhausted by 4pm and need to refill the coffee pot. Happy mother's day to those who I know who have lost a child, I grieve for you and pray your heart can heal. Happy mother's day to those who desperately want to hold their own baby and have not yet. So many different types of mothers. All with the same love.

My mother's day was amazing because I was able to spend it with the ones that I love. I am able to celebrate this day because as a college kid in 2006, I craved cotton candy at the grocery store and thought maybe I should take a pregnancy test. These five who still call my mommy, not mom. These who still want to sleep ON me, who want to cuddle under the same blanket, who want to spend their time with me.

life.

we're living it. day by day.

if we were still on chemo, we'd have a bit one next week. instead, we have a port flush and labs.

i savor the little things as best as i can. watching miller and reese play is one of my favorite things to do.



they are made for each other, really.

i stopped on the side of the road one night with aidan for no reason other than to see her face on camera.

i took only reese with me to the zoo for sawyer's field trip. it was so much fun. i couldnt sign up to be an actual volunteer since i didnt know how many kids i'd have to bring or even if i could go, but im so glad it worked out.



and mother's day. EJ was out of town for a bachelor party til mid morning, that day, so it was just me and the girls in the morning. cuddled up.



...and reese turned 4. her party is the wkend of my bday - which is when EJ's family will be here :) i had been prepping so long for a 4 year old, that it hit me and then flew by. her party will make it seem more real. 1.5 years ago, i wondered who my 4 year old would be. over the past months, reese's face has matured out of a toddler. she isnt the same 4 year old, physically, as i have had before, tumbling off the playground, running through the sprinklers, but she's the same in most every other way. she sings songs and makes jokes. she gets her feelings hurt. she gets excited over the same things your 4 year old does. we may not do hair, but we do make-up. i "do [her] eyebrows?" (eye shadow) most mornings. makes her feel pretty, i guess.

i have so much more to say. including updates about the "one of nine" project with jackie and grayson.

but for now, thank you for praying for reesey as we transition into a month that would have had chemo, but wont. and for that spot on the MRI that we will look at again in june that i want to puke about, but is not a big deal to anyone else.

IG: punkfictionv4
reese's fb page.

muffins with mom 2012.

for mother's day at the kids preschool, we had muffins (well cupcakes in sawyer's class) and juice :) and they gave me crafts hehe i love them

aidan's classes was monday

decor.












miller's in there. lol



reese being entertained.


aidan singing to me. i have a vid of her singing with the rest of the class, but she got embarrassed - and then she wanted to do it again haha love her.


sawyer's class was tuesday!









and i meant to post this a while ago --- but here is aidan's spring sing (from march) video. sawyer was supposed to sing but she chickened out lol
you can see A right there in the middle :)

a whole lot of catching up.

i need to catch up. a lot. this wkend was full of cell pics bc i didnt feel like getting my camera out lol :) fun wkend though! :) great to see some good friends!

last thursday, sawyer sneaked down to watch some tv. a little later than i would have wanted.

but she was being funny ;) (cell)




friday, i did both the girls hair in pigtails to go pick my friend Pam up from the airport :)



saturday, i had a shoot (up on GP soon) and then this is a nice blurry cell pic from pam and i at splitsville :) yay.


on sunday, i had my, um, boudoir shoot, with my long time friend Catherine (ok and fyi, some are damn hysterical). then they she came back to the house with us. and david came over. and sawyer wanted to play late again :)

she said these PJs matched bc they are both cats. cell.


yesterday i had to get one good pic of pam and the girls --



then aidan said she didnt need a nap. then this was on the way home from dropping pam off at the airport :)



ok. now on to today. this morning i got some A and S pics before "muffins with mom" at their school :)


ok you can see the diff in flash-ness on the next two. the first one is where the speedlite bounced on the wall above me


this one is bounced behind me


i first went to sawyer's room (my pics from there are crap bc i was too lazy to put on my SL, but ill try to save some later) and then took a pic with her for their teacher, and then my momma stayed with her since they dont have a "show" to put on lol

then i ran to aidan's room to "be a princess" for breakfast :) all so so cute.

her card to me. she wrote inside that im 7ft tall, my fave color is red, that i wear cool things, i take pics for my job, i like nuggets, the best thing i make is mac and cheese, and that im 7 years old lol


aidan wearing my crown


i have got to get a forehead reduction




THEN my mom said sawyer didnt want her to leave *and* aidan was already tearing up bc i didnt want to drag reese to chapel with her :paranoia:

so i decided to take them all home haha sigh. anyway, we went for some pics in this great new location. id say where it is, but there's a local annoying photog who then runs out and steals my locations. so shhhhhh....

anyway, i tried some diff/odd processing on these. i liked them 5 mins ago. and now posting them... ehhh? oh well. live and learn. at least its on my own kids ;)

oh and for the record, reese was asleep by this time. and im not too worried as her FIRST BIRTHDAY SHOOT (faint) is happening this week :) she'll have a whole fun cake smash and portrait session to herself to show off her cuteness ;)