new year.

another new year's eve has come and gone. 2015 is here and i am ready for it.

i remember, back in 2012, people asking questions about how long we'd be on this journey. right now that answer is "well, this chemo ends in 2016" and that seems so far away.

but, time is always the same. it speeds by without thinking about who is praying it slows down. each day seems like a month. each month seems like a day. 2014 flew by without any sort of remorse for how i felt about its passing.

the beginning of the year started us off with a new baby and a new house. reese started school and all was well. we were in our groove.

february was quiet. miller turned 2. we had company and parties and everything was good. we settled into the new house with corbin and figured we were smooth sailing til the end of chemo.

march had a setback. after not feeling well for a few days - and simply not being herself, i took reese in again - only to be sent to the ICU that night. she was septic. it was so strange and scary being in the ICU again, after so long. but soon, she healed and we went on, almost done with our protocol.

in april i began to think about how we got here. the end of chemo was coming and i was scared. sad. but then excited in the same breath. then finally, at the end of the month - it was over. our protocol was over. 16 months had ended and we were supposed to celebrate. and we did.

may held reese's 4th birthday. she wanted a pink party. and thats what she got.

june held nothing but getting adjusted to this new normal of no school, no chemo, just us being regular ol' people. we had dance recitals and then new classes. school ending and summer beginning.

july was amazing. just... took my breath away. the beginning of the month we spent at the pool and fireworks and just doing things that would make the kids' eyes widen with every moment. then, we went to destin with lighthouse retreats and came back a new family, it seemed. just so, i can't explain it... new. nothing was wrong with the old, but seeing things from a new place was so wonderful.

august, school started again. and this time reese would go walking. shuffling her walker to class (for a bit - soon she wouldnt need it) and spending time w friends. aidan and sawyer, now in 1st and 2nd grade, started a new school. all of their schools have been such a blessing to us. its something that i dont even know how to properly thank for -- but i try.

september, miller started school again. and we had another MRI that said reese was stable. beautiful words that would lead us to...

october's port removal. halloween, our 2 year anniversary of this journey, came and went. parties and costumes and trick or treating.

and november was what it was - just regular. quiet.

december hit, full throttle, and impacted the next year for us. reese's MRI was coming and i could feel in my bones that something wasn't right. and the MRI confirmed my fears. christmas was amazing and now we are here.

but here is where i want to be. any which way it comes - i want to be here.

since christmas, we have been spending time being awesome. we play on the trampoline, we paint, we just cuddle and watch tv, we cook dinners, we run around the house chasing booties ;) we make messes, we are loud. today we even went to the firestation for a tour w wonderful friends.



tomorrow morning, i have to be up at the hospital at 5:30am. 7:30am port placement and then up to clinic for her fist dose of her new chemo, vinblastine. this xmas break has been perfect. just full of laughter and cuddles. full of "mommy... i need a hug" out of no where. the bigs have had sleepovers with wonderful friends, i have laughed w my own.

will update on reese's fb page tomorrow, as the day goes. and on IG: punkfictionv4