a real haircut.

The night before kindy and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring...

except sawyer and aidan, giggling in the hallways - definitely not being asleep before the first day of 2nd and 3rd grade.

I don't really have the words to say how I feel about tonight. First of all, it is amazing that aidan is in the 3rd grade. How did I get this old? How did time fly so quickly? Then I have sawyer, right after her, who I still picture, always as 5. But to think they are 8.5 and 7... I remember when "other people" had kids that old and I thought how far away that must be.

But it wasn't far away at all.

3 years ago, I was weeks away from sending Reese to her first day of preschool. 3 years ago, I didnt know about her brain tumor. I had no fear of anything, really.

...just shy of 3 years ago, halloween 2012, my safety net was cut away.

Not looking towards the future out of fear that your own child may not get there, is the most debilitating feeling one can have. I used to flip flop between thinking about how reese would be that first day of kindergarten, what assistance (if any) she'd need, what she'd look like. But then for a while, I stopped doing that.

Some of that is self preservation, I imagine... getting your hopes up for something. I wouldn't let myself get too far into the future for fear that I would later be at that moment without her.

This morning at church, our pastor said it best when he was asking how can we think those types of things when God has been there to show is the opposite so many times before that. When does "faith over fear" swap the other way?

I am always being shown that it is okay to plan for the future. We'll get there. Tomorrow morning I will be in the same place I had imagined so many times before - with reese. I've labeled all of the girls' things, I have made their lunches and gotten out their new dresses. We will take pics and I will watch my older girls take their little sister to her classroom and say goodbye on a new adventure.

I used to smile with a friend about how reese would probably have this amazing bob haircut going into kindergarten. I could picture her.... exactly as this... reese today looks just how I had imagined her to look, less than 3 years ago.

This is reese's first haircut. Not by a neurosurgeon, not by daddy because chemo was kicking in, but because it was time to beautify before school. Like regular kids do.

(before, during, after, then a comparison of the back)

***ALSO, do not forget to order your childhood cancer awareness tee shirt!! The deadline is coming this week!! :D www.booster.com/areyallaware

IG: theskelteseven

miller's haircut and FDOS.

we had to do it. it was time to cut miller's mullet off. school was starting and it was just... time. so macy came over to hack off the back. this is the earliest we've ever given a first haircut. unless you count reese's during brain surgery...




then i figured everyone else should get a trim :)




last week, wednesday, miller started school. she wasn't nervous, she didn't cry. we met up w our friends for before school pics. miller and her friend millie :) in the same class. then she said goodbye to me and la dee da. that was it.

she's so independent and awesome and really you have to meet miller to grasp the coolness that she brings. but for 2 days a week, i let her spread that coolness around ;)

she's been about 80% potty trained for months 0_o but that last 20% is the "meh, i dont feel like it..." percentage. lol so she went to school in a diaper. in about 2-3 weeks, im sending her in panties only and i am sure she'll be fine. i just need the "OMG NO TIME TO PEE ON THE POTTY!!" to wear off from school.



she doesn't sleep there, but i pick her up early so then i can go get reese right after - where miller promptly falls asleep.

reese has been loving school. the full days are long, but she has been staying awake, mostly ;) its a big adjustment for her to be on the go all day long.

sawyer and aidan love their school days - no complaints from them. so far so good. dance has started up again and so we are back in that groove.

a simple blog tonight. i like it.

a simple nap.

this has been a good week.

reese has an MRI on tuesday to see if her tumor has grown.

i feel like the bottom may drop out on us. it makes me sick to my stomach every time i think about "what if..."

i don't know what would be next.

i, of course, am not an oncologist. so its not my job to figure out what we'd do. its not my job to decipher what chemos would work.

so all i can do is enjoy every single moment with happy reese. she is so funny. such a jokester. sawyer taught her how to smell her own feet and then say "ewwww stinky!!" and it has me rolling every time. she loves to rub her [now, almost bald] head. her hair has been just flying out since we cut it. but she couldn't care less. she begs for miller to sit on her lap. they are just the best of friends. it brightens my day when i see how excited reese gets to see her. reese loves to pick up aidan and sawyer and does a little happy dance when we pull in to their respective schools.

she loves being home. and i can't blame her.

we had more of a "routine" this week. school, dance, chemo [yeah, new routine, i guess], target, we had her PT eval, playing with friends... just all around nice.

but the other day, she was laying in bed with me and she fell asleep. i only had a few mins before i had to wake her up to pick up sawyer from school. she looks so pretty without her hair. and i want to smooch her big lips.