one down.

i woke up this morning and silently begged corbin to sleep while i took a shower. she unknowingly, graciously obliged. i sat in the shower thinking about everything i had to do before we left for the MRI. pack aidan up clothes for after dance, clothes for sawyer after swim. getting corbin and miller to my parents' house. and then of course, trying to distract reese from eating.

she fell asleep on the way downtown and i, obviously, thought that there was a bigger reason for that than the regular "she is just tired. remember, she didnt take a nap yesterday and then went to bed late last night". noooo. in my head, we were doomed. doomed to repeat the last 18 months. only older… with more medical retention, more understanding.

tonight she told me about how the doctors put something "on [her] mouth" and she "didn't want bubblegum!" i realized soon after that she was talking about the gas. and she remembered. which is so strange to me because she's never said things like that before.

but its a part of growing up.

i promised her no port and no blood today. so i came out on top with that.

after her MRI, we went down and got some food. then went upstairs to wait.

i do not become impatient when we are waiting for results. doctors and nurses come in and give me updates, but i am okay.

i wasn't anxious today until then, though. i spent the morning feeling safe. and at peace. this morning before the MRI i met with someone from children's about doing an interview for the radiothon that they have in december. the hospital photographers came out and took pics of reese on the old playground they have. she was a ham. laughing and cheesing it up.

i was extremely up beat, for reese, when she was going back. she gave me a smooch and off she went. she was fine until the nurse said "say goodbye!!" again. then she lost it. i whispered her secrets, tucked foxy in with her laylee, and left.

my brave reesey.

then i heard the sweetest word. stable. it didn't matter how long i would have had to sit in the clinic room. her tumor hasnt done a damn thing. which is exactly what we wanted.

i want to clarify a bit - reese could have tumor in her noggin forever. and as long as it doesn't do anything, then that's okay. it won't be gone completely. but it will be dead cells, ideally.

we will check again in september.

so off we went. happy. ready to go on vacation. ready to spend all summer watching her tiny fuzz head grow longer. its already changing. it was white when it first popped through, but now its getting darker. red. of course.


we are not doomed. we are blessed. so very blessed.

thank you for every prayer.

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