so you think you have a sawyer?

i could sum sawyer up easily.

sweet and cuddly. sensitive. eager to learn, but on her own terms.
impatient and screechy. has a temper. just wants to snuggle on your lap with her blankie, named chloe.
protective of her sisters. bossy. but stands up for anyone who needs it.
loves to be the leader. overwhelmed easily. plays independently. loves to help.
she is sassy and girly. she wears heels and tulle. but she's wearing boys superhero underoos.
class clown. doesn't mind making a fool of herself to make others laugh. forgets that sometimes its quiet time.

she'll always do something you say no to - one.more.time.




does your kid have her own hash on IG of #whynotwearthis bc she is so cool? no.

she's the best of every world. she can hold her own on the playground, but will curl up in the tiniest ball when tired. she tells people "don't do that to my sister!!", but then twirls quietly in her princess dresses down the halls of target in her own world.

i don't want to curb some of this behavior. i want to foster her independence. i want her to feel empowered.

but there's a fine line.

if i asked the wonderful internet mom boards about some of the things sawyer does, they'd have tips and tricks about routines, sticker charts, and taking things away.

sawyer would throw the threatened item over the stairs and say "take it."
sawyer doesn't care about the sticker chart. or what "color" she gets at school.
sawyer has meticulous routines that work! sometimes... or i mean, until they don't.

she has had the same bedtime routine for years, basically. and still, some nights its as if she has never gone to bed before.... screaming in her room and kicking the door wanting to come out. standing at the top of the stairs telling us she is NOT going to bed. nope.

didn't we just do this last night?

how long can she really scream if someone doesn't give in? hours.

my other children aren't like this. never were. sawyer always walked the line of "meh, im not really listening" while the others wait at baited breath for routine and praise. aidan loves a good day at school. reese understands "stop x, please or no more y". miller is starting to grasp the concept of boundaries.

meh. not sawyer.

she, conceptually, understands the rules. i always repeated them, when going places, before we got out of the car, as that worked so well for aidan...

then, all of a sudden, ill be in the middle of a somewhere listening to a 4-5 year old scream and cry about something that we just went over. or, sometimes, something thats impossible.

maybe she wants a cupcake. but we're in the car. "hey, babe, sorry, i dont have any cupcakes in here". but she wants one. ok well. i mean we're in the car. and there's no cupcake here. so i dont know what to tell you. maybe we can make some together at home! maybe we have one at home!

nope. now. the screaming that could possibly ensue isn't a tantrum. i couldn't even explain it.

somethings she does every day will surprisingly be a battle. buckle your seat in the back.

no.

what? lol yes. you have to buckle the seat. but today, she can't. her arms are tired. so i have 2 options - i can go back and do it. i can climb over children to get to the back and twitch-inducingly buckle her in. or i can try to reason with her. "sawyer, its the law to buckle your seatbelt." "if we got into an accident, you could fly forward." "if you don't buckle, then you don't get _____". "sawyer you have until 5 to buckle up".

"do not count to me!!!!!!"


its just a cycle. do you wait in the driveway for an hr until she buckles? do you just do it? is it worth the tears to teach the lesson that youre not going to do it for her?

bottom line is parents of kids like this don't want your opinion. i don't want to hear about the ipad you took away that night because some kids don't care about consequences.  i don't want to hear that you would have waited for 3 hours on your driveway to show them whose boss. i have shit to do.

we have our groove now. i have realized that if i give in to some of these debates with her, i am actually fighting with a 4 (now 5) year old - as if this is a 17 year old in my home.

i don't bother with the small stuff unless the small stuff can lead to bigger problems later. she does well in school - so really, whatever we are doing seems to be going awesomely in other areas of "real" life.

i have told sawyer all month "hey, just remember - we have to wear real clothes to school next year! kindergarten doesn't let you wear princess dresses and heels! sometimes you'll need shorts/pants/tennis shoes!"

she hasnt worn pants in years (minus leggings under a dress).

and when she is screaming upstairs and kicking the walls bc its a 35deg gym day at school, we'll work through the jeans and hello kitty kicks that she'll be wearing instead of the rapunzel dress.

"have you thought about just giving her two options?"
have you thought about what its like to listen to a kid scream for hours over an outfit?
"don't you have boundaries?"

aw.... bless your heart....



i am blessed to have a kid who holds her own. i am blessed that its a kid that follows aidan by a grade in school, who is very sensitive and has a hard time standing up for herself. i am blessed that she has younger sisters who will need her - and sawyer will gladly take on that challenge.

so when you see me leaving a screaming kid in the aisle at target to pretend to turn the corner because, "no, we won't be getting another set of fairy dolls or pair of glitter shoes (that aren't even your size!!)" - don't think in your head how i could have handled it better. whatever youre going to say - i've tried it. and so has every other mom with a "strong-willed child".

(this is not to say that i am not interested in new parenting techniques. pfftttt i don't "have it down" all the time.)



she is full of imagination and wonder. she has amazing stories and tales to tell. just be careful when she is being sneaky ;) she can sneak a random lie in out of no where. she has a heart full of love and emotion bigger than anyone i know. 

but who she shares all of that awesome with is her choice. and when.

good for her.

she doesn't listen when she isn't in the mood. and seems to always listen when i happen to drop an accidental F-bomb. only to hear her repeat it later. so... sorry about that. kinda. the stories about sawyer are always the best to tell. they are full of emotion and fight and hilarity.

for now, ill just take my regular hugs and kisses and cuddles, requests for mascara, and popped ear drums and feel lucky that i have such awesome kids. who love each other without ceasing. and who show true love on their sleeves.

im lucky to have 4 (soon to be 5) different types of kids.