i am broken.

i dont think i can type much. i kept running this in my head... what i wanted to write down. but i will keep it simple.

last night, reese puked. basically just once. and only bile.

but as protocol says, go to ER. i went at 4am. they did blood work, a CT scan, xrays... her vitals were fine. her sodiums were fine. it didnt look like swelling on the CT.

i get home early this afternoon and EJ gets a call. from our neurosurgeon.

she looked at the scans. the chemo is not working. the part of the tumor on the left side of her head is, again, larger. we will go in tomorrow for an MRI and we have a resection scheduled for next tuesday.

if it wasnt for the CT, it would likely have been too late by the time we had our next MRI (january). we have to resect, change chemos, and hope that it laps the growth this time.we will send scans to st. jude's asap, as well, to get a 2nd opinion.

i have cried all day. EJ has cried all day. there is nothing to say anymore. this just isnt fair.

my head is pounding from crying. every single time reese sees miller and wants to hug her and love her, i break down. reese is acting totally normal and to know that inside her head, its getting worse, is the worst pain i have ever experienced.

so please pray. please please please. there's nothing else we can do right now. please, God, save my baby.