reese's teeth.

wahhhhhh.

i was nervous today going to see her after surgery. partly bc i thought she'd look so different.

a few weeks ago, reese's cheek was puffy. there was a spot on her cheek and we all came to the conclusion that it was a bug bite. it only bothered her every once in a while - and only for a few seconds - and so that was that.

only it wasn't.

long story short, it was an abscessed tooth. her top right 1 year molar. we figured it out bc i looked in and it had [pardon the ew] kinda pus'd out the side.

anyway, we headed to the dentist. first EJ took her to the children's ER bc her counts were low that week. they assessed, but there was nothing we could do with counts that were as low as hers then - so we put her on amox and waited. last wednesday, i went to the dentist downtown and we got x-rays. bottom line, a lot was wrong.

first of all, she needed that molar out. secondly, sigh, ok - so basically a lot of things were against her. we noticed when we got home, officially, in january that her teeth really looked dirty. we brushed at minimum of 2x a day, sometimes 3, on the regular - so morn, after nap, before bed, usually. but the damage had already started.

being in the hospital so much of nov/dec and being given pediasure to get cals is just sugar... drinking out of a bottle is no good (except having a stand off with a kid with DI only does one thing - raise sodiums. so while i tried to swap to severallllllll types of cups, letting her pick out a dozen of them. nothing worked). and then - the worst - chemo.

people who do chemo have little saliva. so while you and i (and your kids) can eat and drink certain things, your mouth rinses itself out. reese's does not, really. so it just compounded.

as for good things we did - she doesnt get sugar like she did before. when her tumor grew, that was that. dozens of people mentioned to us bad cells + sugar = more bad cells so we figured "no time is better than now to quit that crap!!" since december, she doesnt get gross cereal, her drinks are 99% water and only milk to barely change the color so she'll drink it, etc. no donuts, no sugary things really at all. she'll very randomly have a lick of someone's ice cream or a bite of a cupcake for a birthday, but in all honesty, she doesnt even WANT it anymore. people laughed at one of the girl's end of year parties - reese held a cupcake for an hour. i knew she wouldnt even try it. then we threw it away.

all that aside - the damage was done. and we tried to fix it by brushing the heck out of her teeth, but her enamel was already gone.

we had good numbers last week, but when we were getting ready to go to chemo this week, the onc called and said "oh wait. they are TOO high." meaning - the jump between 2 weeks was so high that it meant the white cells were in overdrive trying to kill an infection. so our original date of aug 5th for teeth fixing was moved. and chemo got bumped.

so. today. surgery at 8am. she got that molar removed, her 4 front top teeth removed, 4 crowns on molars, and 2 k9 natural crowns, and sealant on the rest of her teeth. we wanted anything out that could possibly have potential to abscess (infection is a no-go for a chemo kid) or hurt her permanent teeth.

she has to smile REALLY BIG for you to see it and she kinda looks like a vampire LOL she'll get pedi partials (fake teeth/perm retainer) in a bit. maybe the next time her counts go up if we can get a move on it that fast.

maybe its vain as hell, but i dont particularly want her to not have front teeth for several years.

this whole entire thing just killed me. my kids have good teeth - aidan and sawyer = perfect. EJ and i have 1 cavity in our lives between us (p.s. its not me. zero on this girl). so for this to happen to reese makes me feel like such a failure. i know its not totally my fault. i know "hey, she needed pediasure. hey, you had bigger fish to fry [aka a tumor]. hey, chemo also sucks!" but still...

i will try to get good pics when i can of her cute grandpa face ;) but for now, we'll just keep feeding her soft things and getting her used to it all. she actually ate a good amount today, so im happy about that.

thank you for your prayers. after my last post, i really have felt so much more at ease. God has given me several "I got this. Relax." signs. and i just have to trust them. i called the onc last week bc reese had said "ow" and touched her head. then, it was over. i freaked. for no reason of course bc her hair was falling out and reese says "ow" when she itches. but at that moment, i couldnt not call.

i was in tears with her. she understood. but she also said something that lifted my very heavy heart. she said its very rare that they are surprised by an MRI. that after watching kids progress so much (or regress), rarely are they like "oh holy cow, what?!?!" so i am going to take faith in reese's amazing progression. that when i stare at her eyes - its okay. that when i see a bruise on her head - i remember that she's 3 and has a toddler sister who wrestles with her. that i can REALLY CELEBRATE when i see her *run* in her walker at PT.  i just overall need to have faith.

next week is chemo and MRI. i just want next week to be over. i want to celebrate. with everyone. i want to squeeze reese's "there's barely any tumor here!!" face. i am in this limbo. i wanted her MRI to be here *right now* for so long. and now that it's almost here... i dont want it at all. so specifically, thats my prayer request for the week... awesome news at the MRI.

i have a 4th of july (happy things!!!) blog coming soon once i finish uploading those pics. thank you again, sweet friends. for everything.

and as always - punkfictionv4 is my IG and i update like crazy. so don't be surprised.